Avatar...a Dream Come True

Last weekend I saw the movie Avatar. The running time is nearly three hours but it certainly didn’t feel like I was in the theater for that long. To be honest, it wasn’t a movie that I would have chosen to see, but the family voted and I was outnumbered. So, as usual, I took one for the team. That’s what moms do. So, I went there with minimal expectations. In fact, I was prepared to get in a comfortable position, strategically place my hair in front of my eyes, pull my little blanket up around my neck and catch up on some much needed z’s. Well, that never happened. The movie was fantastic. The storyline was great, the characters were memorable, it was loaded with action, the graphics and special effects were amazing! Best of all, it was a love story. There was something in the movie to captivate each one of us. Now that’s what I call a “family meal deal!”
Ok, I’m beginning to sound like a movie reviewer so I’ll try to get to the point. Well, after seeing the movie, I went back and looked at some of the interviews with the director, James Cameron. In one of the interviews Mr. Cameron said that he had created the blue alien-like characters decades ago. The screenplay was complete way back when he racked up all those Oscar awards for the movie “Titanic.” So, one might ask “why did he wait so long to make the movie?” Get this: Mr. Cameron says that there was no way to create what he envisioned for the movie…the technology simply did not exist. In a nutshell he’s saying that the world wasn’t ready for his dream. Instead of shortchanging himself by settling for less, he waited, and waited, and waited. While he waited, he worked on other projects, talked with people who could understand and support his vision, and studied his craft so that he would be able to make a cutting-edge movie when the time was right. That was ten years ago. Avatar was in production for over four years. Some of us don’t want to wait four months to realize our dreams!
If you have a dream that you truly believe in don’t let anything stand in your way…not even reality. Anything is possible. Don’t be in a hurry to actualize your dream. Sometimes, your dream is so big that even you have trouble believing it is meant to be anything more. Guess what? If you don’t believe it, no one else will. On the flip side, Mr. Cameron didn’t stop living trying to make it happen. He continued to work on other things, and in the process won some Oscars. That means that he put in an amazing amount of hard work to do those things that may not have been as important to him as Avatar. Nonetheless, he realized that if you are going to do anything, you should do it well…or don’t do it at all.
So keep your day job (at least for now.) Do your job to the best of your ability. You are there for a reason. Don’t be so self-indulged that you stop seeing the people around you. It’s the people who you meet that will help you to get your big dream off the ground. You’ll get confidence, feedback, advice and referrals that you may never have received had you not traveled the road you’re on. You’ll even get criticized—and sometimes it will help you to sharpen your vision. Other times, it will help you to realize who’s really in your corner. Your dream is not one to be put on the back burner and left to scorch, but you may have to put it on a low simmer and keep stirring slowly and adding a few spices here and there until it’s just right. Whatever you do, don't stop stirring and don't leave it there too long!

How Do You Measure Up?

It seems like just yesterday I was standing in my family room with tear-filled eyes singing “Here I am baby…signed sealed delivered I’m yours!” Not only had I had an opportunity to witness history, I got the chance to help make history by campaigning and voting for President Barack Obama. I can remember feeling so excited that night. Although I felt he had a good chance of winning, I kept thinking about those hanging chads that kept Al Gore out of the White House. What I quickly learned was that when you commit yourself to a goal or purpose whole heartedly, destiny will meet you half way. It is not enough to expect greatness (even though belief and expectation are necessary,) you have to put in the work that is required to reach the goal. Destiny is chauffer driven to your door by Work. The greater the effort, the greater the success.

Often I talk to people who are frustrated because they haven’t figured out their true purpose but I believe that sometimes purpose reveals itself after you have began working on something or at something. Seriously, do you think that President Obama knew that he was destined to be the first black president of the United States? I think that he lived a life where mediocrity was unacceptable. I believe that he pursued excellence in all of his endeavors, no matter how small. He understood that opportunity doesn’t always present itself on a silver platter. Sometimes opportunity has to be unearthed with a rusty shovel.

I remember seeing a picture of President Obama after a long day of campaigning. In the picture you could see a big hole in the sole of his shoe. He had literally walked a hole in his shoe in order to meet potential supporters. How many of us have that level of commitment to achieving our goals?

A year has passed since President Obama was elected and a lot of us are measuring his successes and failures over the course of the year. I hear talk about Afghanistan, Iraq, the economy, healthcare, and dozens of other issues that people are judging him on. I’d like to challenge everyone to think about what you have or have not accomplished since the 2008 election. Redefine yourself and your goals. Shake off any self doubt, roll up your sleeves and take control of your future. It’s true that nothing is impossible and I also believe in destiny, but nothing comes to the man who waits and hopes and dreams without any action. If you want something, you’ve got to develop a plan and put in the work to make it happen. There’s gotta be some worn out pumps and some run down heels. If you’re not tired, you’re not working hard enough. So get yourself a theme song and get out there and live your own impossible dream!

An Open Letter to Parents

I am deeply concerned that the parenting role is being reduced and watered down by societal changes and redefined social norms. Some are trading in old school values for an opportunity to either live vicariously through the youth or have simply determined that what was once considered a decent upbringing is no longer relevant. It is not uncommon to see teenage boys with their pants sagging so far below their waistline that they have to hold them in the crotch area or walk with their legs apart in order to keep the pants from falling down. Sadly, it’s no longer uncommon to see these boys walking alongside their parent. Teenage girls are dressing so provocatively that it is difficult to determine if they are on their way to school or just returning home from a long nights work at the local strip club. Embarrassingly, some of their mothers wear and share the same type of attire. The tattoo phenomenon has gotten so far out of hand that teens are getting them to commemorate a sixteenth birthday. In fact, by then many already have at least one other tattoo. Nowadays, you’ll find toddlers with saggy pants, excessive jewelry, and outfits that are too tight, too short, or just too sexy. What messages are we sending these children?

In an age where our children are exposed to negative imagery via television, radio, peers and the like, it is up to parents to establish rules and guidelines of acceptable and appropriate behavior. We should also serve as role models for our children and be an example of the type of parent that they should aspire to be. The truth is, from the day we bring them home from the hospital we begin the process of shaping, molding, and instilling values that they may hold onto for a lifetime.

It seems many parents don’t see harm in dressing up their sons like little gangstas or think it’s cute to put skimpy or tight clothing on their daughters. They don’t seem to realize that children are extremely impressionable and are being influenced by the choices and decisions we make. As the children begin to get a little older and act out negative behaviors, these same parents are alarmed. It’s as if they are surprised to see the outcome. They appear to be totally caught off guard and genuinely disappointed. The question is, why? If you pour cake batter into a heart-shaped pan, you can’t expect it to come out of the oven in the shape of a star. You would have needed to use a star-shaped mold. So why do we expect our kids to be any different?

I remember family gatherings from my childhood years as though they happened yesterday. First and foremost, children were not allowed to participate in adult conversations. The adults limited our exposure to topics and ideas that were not appropriate for children. We did have time to interact with the grownups—most of the time it was through a family game or a talent show. I remember younger cousins reciting their ABC’s and singing songs they learned in school or at church. I distinctly remember going to the front of the room to name all 50 states from memory. Other family members read poetry, played instruments, sang songs or showed off their dance moves (my sister was an expert at “The Hustle” and “The Freak” and I thought I was a master at “The robot.” Good or bad, the adults cheered us on. It was always good, clean, fun. Nothing was “Too hot for TV.” Perhaps there were no “You Tube” moments (at least none that would become viral sensations,) but we didn’t miss anything.

Nowadays, some adults seem to take pride in having their children be able to “Get low” or gyrate and grind the hardest. They look on gleefully while their children sing all the lyrics to a song intended for adults, and are tickled pink to see their son be bop across a room or their daughter switching harder than a grown woman.
I think it’s time for parents to take a page out of the old school parenting handbook and set some standards. Stop being intimidated by your child’s cries that “everybody does it.” The truth is, everybody doesn’t. Stand firm to values and explain why certain behaviors are inappropriate. Perhaps when it really counts and someone tells them that “everybody does it” they will be able to do the same.

Earth Angel

My aunt underwent brain surgery yesterday. This morning my sister called to let me know that she was finally in her room and that by all accounts, the surgery was successful. Oh, did I mention that the surgery took 18 hours? Yes, I said 18 hours…no typo here. Umm, let me add that this is the fourth brain surgery that she has endured. Now close your mouth and lower your brow.
My aunt is an amazing woman. She is definitely a person worth emulating. In our family, most would consider her to be the matriarch. She’s a natural born leader who has a tendency to put the weight of the world on her shoulders and carry it—and she makes it look so easy. She has no children of her own, but so many call her mom. She is one of the most giving people that I have ever met. I don’t think she realizes that she can’t help everyone. Whether financial resources, personal advice, constructive intervention, physical, emotional or spiritual support, she finds a way to give what is needed, when it is needed without seeking acknowledgement or praise for her deeds. She’s the type of person who sees a problem and makes a decision to be the solution. She’s a modern day Mother Teresa. During last year’s presidential campaign there was an ad that received a whole lot of attention…remember the ad that Hillary Clinton put out with the red telephone ringing at 3:00am that asked us who we wanted answering that call??? Well, my aunt is the one that answers the call in our family. She is the very definition of our family name.
So I guess you can just about imagine what yesterday was like for us huh? Pins and needles, that’s the understatement of the century! Of course my aunt had prepped us all for the surgery. She’d given instructions, assigned various people to fill important roles, discussed her will and other related business in the event that the unthinkable had occurred, and tried to assure us that she has lived a great life and was prepared should God decide to call her home. Up until the day of the surgery this natural born leader was still taking care of business and making sure that everyone else would be okay in her temporary absence (temporary absence was all we could fathom.) Even with all the prepping, praying, and positive thinking, we were struggling to get through every hour...it’s tough to remain positive through an 18 hour ordeal. Such an event can certainly help to put a lot of things in perspective. First and foremost, some of the things that we worry about on a day to day basis are really not as important as we think—it’s not brain surgery. Also, we have to take time out to show and tell our loved ones that we love them. We have to cherish every moment because history is made in the blink of an eye. Last but not least, we have to live each day to make a difference in our world so that when we leave this earth, it is indeed a better place for us having been here.
I am grateful that my aunt has been to Heaven’s door four times to interview for the Heavenly Angel position and that God turned her down each time. Not because she is unqualified, but because he has yet to find someone who could fill her current position…Earth Angel. Selfishly, I pray he never will.

When Bowling is More than a Game

I attended the Special Olympics to watch two young women compete in the bowling tournament. I had a great time and would go as far as saying that the experience was quite enlightening to me. From the moment I walked in the door I knew it was going to be a great day. Everyone was excited. Participants were waving and talking to their peers and to people that they had never met—like me. Volunteers were helping with everything from tying shoes to pushing wheelchair bound participants to their lanes.
After the opening ceremony, the participants roared and clapped with excitement. The games had officially begun. I watched as many lanes as I could see and observed the dynamics surrounding each team assigned to those lanes. I think the greatest thing that I saw was that in this setting, they all felt empowered, important, and that they were a part of a special group. They weren’t a group of people who were being looked at for what they couldn’t do, we had gathered to see a group of people compete in a bowling tournament. Today, they were the majority…I was the minority. As I looked down at the lanes I noticed that they were using different techniques to get the ball down the lane. Some were using arrows etched in the flooring as a guide to hit the pin they were trying to knock down, others squatted down and released the ball, there were those who seemed to have a natural flow—they just let the ball go and it glided down the lane to the intended destination, a lot of the bowlers spread their legs and used both hands to roll the ball down the lane, and there were a few, especially those using crutches, walkers, or wheelchairs, who used a special assistive device that allowed them to prop the ball up, line the apparatus up with the pins and push the ball with little or no difficulty. The lesson here is simple. There are many ways to reach your goal. If one doesn’t work, try another.
It seemed that each bowler understood the rules of the game and showed respect for their peers by waiting patiently for them to release their ball before releasing their own. Wait your turn. It’s a basic rule, but sometimes we seem to forget it. I also noticed that the players seemed to be genuinely interested in helping each other. Although it was a competition, they were rooting for one another. They cheered every strike, high fived when an opponent picked up a spare, and patted those on the back who couldn’t seem to keep the ball from going into the gutter. They recognized that even in a competition it’s important to be a good sport. I believe those pats on the back and words of encouragement helped ease the frustrations of a lot of players out there. It was great to see someone who wasn’t doing as well as the others finally bowl a strike and return to a bunch of high fives, applause, and thumbs up. I saw quite a few bowlers today that were either bowling for years or born with a special talent for knockin’ em down. It seemed that almost every ball that they sent down the lane had a magnetic attraction to those pins. But notice that I said “almost every ball.” That’s because every once in a while they’d do the improbable—roll a ball straight down the gutter or barely knock over one pin. Great players throw gutter balls too. Everyone makes mistakes, and there is always room for improvement. Although we should strive for perfection, we have to recognize progress.
At the end of the competition, each bowler made their way to a special seating area that had been set up to celebrate both individual and team success. They were so proud to be seated in the special section. They knew that it was an honor to be honored. All too often we wait for the “ultimate” accomplishment before we celebrate ourselves or tell others how proud we are of them. Unfortunately, we miss the obvious opportunities to tell people how important they are, how much they mean to us, and how their life is making a difference in ours. But I digress…there was a podium equipped with first, second, and third place blocks. There were bunches of balloons and most importantly, there were ribbons with varying colors signifying first through fourth place. I watched a young man jump out of his seat and run to the podium to accept his ribbon. The crowd cheered, his parents shouted his name and his smile extended the entire width of his face. He had trouble standing still because he was so excited. He couldn’t believe that he had taken fourth place. For him, he had achieved something beyond what he thought possible. Today I learned that sometimes fourth place means just as much as first place.
I was famished and the smell of fries and pizza had finally got the best of me. So before leaving, I decided to take on the snack bar. I ordered a hot dog (thinking “what could possibly go wrong with a simple hot dog”)and a soda. As I took the first bite of the hot dog, I looked up to see a woman walk by wearing a t-shirt that said “Label jars, not people.” I smiled and she waved. I took a sip of soda and reluctantly bit another piece of my hot dog as I thought to myself “even the Special Olympics can’t make the food at the bowling alley taste any better.

Labor of Love

There’s only one profession where you can be both teacher and student, the judge and the jury, landlord and housekeeper, chef and waiter, detective and private investigator, coach, referee and cheerleader, bodyguard and prison guard, doctor and emergency room nurse, personal shopper and fashion critic, chauffeur and driving instructor, and financial advisor as well as collection agent. The duties and titles for this profession are used interchangeably, and quite often, simultaneously. Although this profession does not offer a salary, it can be quite rewarding. It’s a profession that requires nearly two decades of internship, but results in no formal certification or degree. Ideally, this profession involves a lifelong co-worker to assist with the responsibilities attached to success in the role. The profession is Parenting. The job title is either Mother or Father depending on ones gender. I am proud to be a Mother.

This role is not one to be taken lightly. The responsibilities are far too great. From the moment I heard my eldest son’s first cry, I knew that the magnitude of the journey ahead was far greater than I had imagined. This innocent child who reluctantly entered our world had no choice but to go home with me. He was defenseless, needy, helpless, and vulnerable. It was up to us—his parents, to give him what he needed in order to survive, and later, thrive. The position that I applied for and accepted is “Mother.” Of all the positions that I have had over the years, “Mother” is the title that I am most proud to hold.

You see, it’s so much more than having a baby. It doesn’t take much to do that. It’s raising a child in a safe environment, nurturing, teaching, caring, sharing, loving, sacrificing and being selfless. It’s tough love, long hugs, long talks, and discipline. It’s setting expectations and providing encouragement. It’s believing in their dreams and lending support. It’s offering a shoulder to cry on or being someone to cry with. It’s earning respect and ensuring that it’s given for a lifetime, and giving respect when it is due. Ah, the thrill of Motherhood! It’s challenging and complex and at times, it’s simple and uncomplicated. It requires that we give without expecting any personal reward. We give, expecting that our children will get more, be more, and do more as a result of what we gave…or gave up.

As a young woman awaiting the birth of my firstborn, I thought labor was the most difficult part of the experience. I was wrong. It was only preparation for the task ahead. It was preparation for the sleepless nights I spent worrying if he was still breathing and the soft bounces as I rest his head against my shoulder to comfort him while teething. It was the excitement of his first steps and the fear I felt when he had his first fall. It's the frustration of potty training and the aggravation of cleaning the floor around the toilet when he missed the big hole in the center. I can't forget about the anticipation on his first day of school and the stress of his first day as a latch key kid. It's the pride associated with admission into all honors courses as a freshman in high school, and the difficulty in knowing when to push harder and expect more, or when to accept that what they've done is their best. It's the fear in trusting that you have instilled enough to get them through their first crush and their first rejection, as well as their first test of peer pressure...knowing one decision could change their lives forever. The list goes on and on, but I wouldn't trade the job for anything. It's hard work, but it's a labor of love.

Today is the day that my oldest son was born. I'd like to think that in working to ensure that he grows up to be a great man, I too have become a better woman. I'm proud to be his mother, and I couldn't ask for a better son.

If the Sun Never Shines Again...

Recent statistics cast a cloud of hopelessness on inner city youth—particularly African American and Hispanic youth. Results of nearly every study on the future of our youth indicates a less than bleak outlook. According to research, these youth, our youth, are more likely to go to jail than to college, more likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease than to abstain from sex until marriage, our young ladies are more likely to become teenage parents, and our young men are more likely to dodge the responsibility of fatherhood. From predictions of poor health and disease to a lifetime of poverty, the gray skies of low expectations make it seem nearly impossible for inner city youth to hope for sunny days.

While it is important to be mindful of the statistics, we mustn’t allow these indicators to determine what we can accomplish. For every negative statistic and projection there is a person who decided not to subscribe to the narrative and ignored the data. Instead, they decided to work harder, set goals, believe in themselves, accept responsibility for their actions, develop positive habits and relationships, and approach every day of their lives with a sense of purpose and urgency. As a result they beat the odds and had their opportunity to laugh in the face of adversity. A few well known examples that come to mind are Michael Jordan who was cut from his high school basketball team, Jennifer Hudson who wasn’t good enough to be America’s Idol, Jay Z who was raised in one of the worst NYC housing projects, Fantasia who was a teenage mother and high school drop out, and Kevin Garnett who gave everything he had on the court even when he was playing for a losing team.

Set your own goals, make your own predictions and live up to your own expectations without factoring in the negative forecasts projected by others. Be prepared for the storm, but don’t let it keep you from living your dreams. If the sun never shines on your side of town again, then dance in the rain. And dance like your life depends on it.

My name is Melanie and I'm an Addict...

I had an in depth conversation with a substance abuser yesterday. I wanted to know why she would allow a drug to control her life. I wanted to understand her mindset before, during and after drug use in the hope of helping her pinpoint some viable solutions to her problem. Here’s what happened:

She shared that since the first time she used her drug of choice she has been trying to duplicate the feeling, the high. She said that once she begins to use the drug, she falls into a dark place where nothing else matters except getting more drugs. She has sold her television, small appliances, jewelry, toiletries, household items, and her body in order to get money for drugs. Sometimes she will find another drug addict and they will put their money together and share the smallest amount of the drug that their money can buy. When she’s sober, she will quickly tell you that she cannot be trusted with any sum of money because she will use it to buy drugs. On a regular basis she can be found panhandling (she hates when I say begging) for spare change outside of her local grocery store or gas station. This woman will deprive her body of food, water, and sleep in her quest for her next high. She walks alone in dangerous, drug infested neighborhoods from dusk to dawn without any concern for her safety. She fails to bathe and doesn’t even think about the fact that she needs to take several prescription medications on a daily basis to maintain her health. Everyone in her community knows that she is a drug addict. I asked her if she ever feels regret or shame and she said “not when I’m trying to get high.” Nothing, and no one, is more important than getting high.

Unfortunately, her goal is a negative one. It is completely detrimental to her health and well being. But what if we applied the same energy to our own positive goals? I mean, we all say that we have something that we want to achieve and I’m sure we’d all like to think that we are giving it our all. However, when something we are working towards doesn’t go according to our plan or vision, we often rewrite the plan. We convince ourselves that we did our best and that there is nothing more we could do without some outside intervention.

Well, what if we approached our goals with the determination, commitment, and sense of urgency of a drug addict? What if we were fearless, focused, and fired up about our dreams? What if we were willing to put pride aside and ask for help? What if we were willing to give up material possessions to invest in our dreams? What if we stopped competing with others and instead learned to work together to reach a common goal? What if we gave our goals and dreams so much attention that everyone who knows us knows exactly what we are trying to achieve? What if we were relentless in our pursuit and able to show resilience in the face of our failures? Let’s stop “trying” to accomplish things. Let’s stop “hoping” it all works out for the best. Let’s develop a mindset that says “I am not willing to do without achieving this thing—because it’s way too important to me.” I want to be addicted to achieving my goals. What about you?

Are You too Busy to Live?

Often we find ourselves consumed with tasks, appointments, responsibilities, and the day-to-day stresses of work, family, and the like. In our own private world everything seems urgent. Most of the time there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. As a result we scramble to accomplish those things that we consider important and struggle to prioritize our personal to-do lists. At the eleventh hour we might try and shortchange an item or two by giving it less attention than we think it really deserves and still hoping our effort will be good enough. Other items we simply take from the bottom of our list for the day and put it at the top of our list for the next day.

As we nestle beneath the sheets and rest our heads on our pillows, thoughts of tomorrow become a silent nuisance that sometimes causes us to lose sleep. As fast as we can close our eyes and quiet the hysteria in our heads, we are awakened by the dreaded ringing of the alarm clock. We will ourselves to put our feet on the floor, and repeat the sheer madness of the day before. This, my friends, is what we call “life.”

I think it’s important to step out of the routine and humdrum and approach each day with a true sense of purpose. I’m not talking about the completion of an item on a to-do list kind of purpose; I’m talking about the kind of purpose that defines you as a person. The kind of purpose that makes you excited about getting out of bed in the morning and makes you feel complete at the end of the day. Take a moment and think about what would happen if you didn’t wake up tomorrow. Now, is there anything that you are doing that would make it impossible for the world to go on? Probably not.

Since we have established with some degree of certainty that life goes on, I think it’s important that our purpose be connected to carving our names in the tree of life by leaving our own personal mark on the world and the people in it. We should all focus on ensuring that the world is a better place for our having lived in it. Make no mistake; this does not have to be some enormous Mandela-like undertaking. It can be a small act that makes a big difference. Mentor or tutor a child, volunteer at a local community organization, support a cause here or abroad, protest injustice, donate food or clothing to a local church or shelter, go back to school, take an acting class, send a care package to a soldier, work towards that goal that you set for yourself but haven’t gotten around to because it’s too difficult, get out a board game and sit on the floor with your children and play it, let your kids help you cook and then eat dinner at the table as a family. That’s my idea of purpose. That’s what I call living.

The secret of life is that it’s not about what you accumulate materially, that will not last a lifetime. It’s about what you give to others that cements your footprint on life’s walk of fame. So tonight before you crawl into bed, take a moment and think about what you did today that really mattered. For tomorrow is not promised.

I leave you with a quote from the great Ray Charles – “Live each day like it is your last, because one day you are going to be right.”

Remembering a Legend

Two of my most prized possessions during my childhood were my Michael Jackson posters that I purchased with my allowance. They hung prominently on the wall on my side of the room. I was a part of the Pepsi generation…because of Michael. I can remember wishing I had money for one of those Michael Jackson jackets, but settled for a cheap imitation of the glove. I tuned into the television to watch every new video he crafted. The Thriller video solidified my belief that he was amazing! I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see him make an appearance at an awards show and would stop in my tracks to gaze at his picture on a magazine cover. If that weren’t enough, there was Motown 25—his performance in a word, unforgettable.
To write about him posthumously is quite surreal. For although he was one of the greatest singers to ever hold a microphone, one of the best songwriters to pen a hit record, and the best performer to ever grace a stage, he was the furthest thing from my mind until yesterday. He’d sort of made his way into the recesses of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, if I were surfing the radio for a tune and heard any two notes from Billie Jean, Remember the Times, Man in the Mirror, PYT, Thriller, or any of the other anthems, I’d immediately turn up the volume and sing along while driving. If I were home, I might even throw in a few of the dance moves for good measure. However, I just didn’t have a reason to think about how amazing he really was as an artist.
Michael Jackson the artist was perfection. He wrote songs that had meaning…Beat it, Black or White, Heal the World…I could go on forever. After writing the songs, he sung them with passion. You could feel the emotion that he wanted you to feel. If you don’t believe it, go back and listen to She’s Out of My Life. He didn’t stop there. He put together award winning videos to bring the words of his songs to life. The videos were, and still are, unparalleled. Michael didn’t live on yesterday’s laurels; he kept trying to take his craft to the next level. He wanted to give his fans something new, different, better than before. His work was never a disappointment. If we were all willing to work as hard as Michael, I’m sure we’d be better at whatever it is we are doing.
Sometimes it takes death to make us realize the value of a life. This is one of those times. Legendary, Iconic, Hall of Famer, Greatest of All Time, Musical Genius, these are the words that I will use to describe his life and legacy. I will also remember to say a prayer for those who will remember him as son, father, brother, uncle, and friend.
Rest in Peace Michael.

A Lesson from a Pain in the Neck

Last Wednesday started out pretty normal for me, but by the middle of the day, I found myself in a lot of pain. It was strange because I couldn’t pinpoint what I had done to cause my neck to hurt so badly. I tried massage, bed rest, warm compresses, and pain killers, but nothing seemed to alleviate my discomfort. I had to keep my head in one position because even the slightest turn felt like I was being stabbed in the neck. It would have been much easier if I could have stayed home in bed, but there were responsibilities that required my attention. One of those responsibilities involved me driving. Of course, in order to drive, you have to be able to turn your head from left to right, and you need to be able to look behind when backing out of a parking space. So I did what needed to be done. I tried to move my eyes without moving my neck whenever I could, and only moved my neck when it was absolutely necessary. Whenever I had to move it, I found myself in the kind of pain that makes you talk to yourself and breathe out loud. It was serious.
By Thursday evening, I was regretting that I hadn’t made an appointment to see my physician and beginning to think I’d need to visit an urgent care after hours medical center but I decided to pop two more pain killers and try and sleep it off. When I got up on Friday morning, there were signs of improvement. I could turn my head to the right with little pain. Turning to the left was not as bad either. I’m happy to report that by Saturday night I was back to normal.
Now, guess what I took from that experience? Well here goes: In our lives we all have our own “to do” lists. We are all striving to accomplish our goals. However, there are times when self-doubt creeps in and has us looking for answers in all the wrong directions. We look for someone or something to bail us out of uncomfortable situations. Quite often, we are ready to give up, postpone, or change our goals the minute our comfort zone becomes compromised. We start trying to look back to see if there is still room for us in a more familiar place, even though we know that we’ve outgrown it. We begin to prepare for defeat as soon as one thing doesn’t go according to our plan.
Now imagine how much we could accomplish if we felt like we were being stabbed in the neck whenever we found ourselves looking backwards with regret, or looking around with worry, self-pity and anxiety. Imagine if we were forced to look straight ahead at our goals and focus completely on doing whatever it takes to accomplish them. I don’t know anyone who enjoys pain, so I’d guess that we’d have a lot more people achieving their goals and living their dreams. So, I’m hoping that all who read this will keep looking ahead at their goals. I hope that when they feel hopeless, down and out, or begin to feel like it would be easier to retreat and abandon their dreams, they will be reminded of my pain in the neck. I hope the reminder will help them to quickly get their head back in the right place—focused on the mission ahead. Then my mysterious pain would not have been in vain. Keep your heads up!

Where Will "Amazing" Happen?

Before the playoffs even started, most people had already predicted the teams that would be in The Finals. There was much anticipation for the LeBron – Kobe series. There’s even a series of commercials that feature LeBron and Kobe puppet- like characters (the commercials are pretty funny too.) The Cleveland Cavaliers breezed through the first two rounds of the playoffs in dramatic fashion. They won both of those series without their opponents winning a single game. Their sense of purpose was clear and they repeatedly reminded viewers that they had “One Goal.” Anything short of winning the championship was simply unacceptable. The Cavaliers were featured on every sports channels highlight reel. Their star player, LeBron James, was interviewed or talked about nearly as much as our President. Over in the West, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers were making their presence felt and already being considered as the team to beat. The playoffs were just a process, a means to an end…or so we thought.

Cleveland had to play one more team in order to make it to The Finals—The Orlando Magic. Right from the start it was clear that the two teams were equally skilled and that this was not going to be business as usual for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Predictions started going all the way to game 7 in a seven game series. Even still, most people thought the Cavs would win the series. Well, we were wrong. The Orlando Magic played the Cleveland Cavaliers and beat them 4-2 to earn a trip to the Finals. No need for a game seven. Cleveland was devastated. I imagine they were just as surprised as the rest of us. With such an upset, there’s little room for adjustments in TV land. The commercials were already made…and they were working. So although the first game of The Finals has already been played, there is no puppet-like character for Orlando’s star player. I get the feeling he doesn’t mind at all.

What I’d like you to take from this is simple: No matter what people say about you, no matter who thinks you can’t win, no matter what the odds are, you are possible. Ignore statistics that might suggest that you are destined for failure. Don’t worry about people who seem to be bigger, stronger, faster, or better than you. Don’t envy the success of others and don’t stress out because it appears your talents or skills go unnoticed. Keep working your hardest at being your best. Not as good as someone else, not better than the best, just the best that you can be. The fanfare and the limelight mean nothing, if you don’t achieve the goal. LeBron would trade the puppet-like character in a heartbeat for the opportunity to be in The Finals. Perfect your craft. Practice, study, surround yourself with like-minded people, build your confidence… give it everything you’ve got. Silence the naysayers through your actions, not your words. Your dream is achievable. Your goal is within reach.

The NBA has a commercial that ends with this question: Where will “Amazing” happen? So far, it’s happened in Orlando (at least in the eyes of basketball fans.) I’m wondering, where will “Amazing” happen in the “real world?”

Our Choices Determine Who We Become

President Obama announced his nomination for the Supreme Court yesterday. He chose Judge Sonia Sotomayor. Judge Sotomayor’s early years were quite humbling. She lived in the South Bronx in the inner city in the Bronxdale Housing projects; her father died before she reached her teens, and her mother struggled to raise her and her brother. The odds of her graduating from high school were pretty low. Graduating from Princeton University at the top of her class would not even seem statistically probable. Betting on a Puerto Rican girl from the South Bronx becoming a judge who is up for nomination to the US Supreme Court might certainly seem like a shoo-in for the opposer. However, Judge Sotomayor didn’t concern herself with the odds that were stacked against her, she focused on her goals. I doubt that her goal was to become the first Hispanic appointed to the US Supreme Court, but as she worked on the dream of becoming a judge, her expectations and her options changed.

Our purpose is often beyond the realm of what we can imagine, dream or expect. As such, we have to strive for excellence in everything that we do. When we do our best and reach the goals that we have set for ourselves, we have to take a brief moment to reflect with humility on who we were and where we came from, to celebrate who we have become and where we are, then we must look ahead to see who we were born to be and what we have to do to get there. With each step the path gets a little clearer, but clarity is not to be confused with easy or less intricate. The path ahead is never straight, there are always twists and turns and forks in the road that call on us to make the right decisions and choices.

Long ago, when she was a young girl living in a poverty stricken environment, Judge Sotomayor decided that she wanted something better for her future. She found a goal and a dream that she was willing to work towards with a commitment that spanned decades. She did the hard work from day one. She strived for excellence in education. She understood that education was her way out of her situation. Although it wasn’t easy, she chose the path of “excellence”, not the path of “average.”

What she did yesterday matters more today than she could ever have imagined. Her choices, relationships, words, and actions will come under full public scrutiny. Every paper she has ever written, every judgment she has rendered and every aspect of her life will be dissected in search of the “real” Sonia Sotomayor. It's my guess that we've already met her.

Now ask yourself this question: If I were granted such an honor, would the decisions and choices that I have made over time ruin my chances?

Live your life in such a way that when all of your hard work leads you to a path more intricate than you could ever have imagined, no one or nothing, can stand in your way.

Play Your Position

In some way we can all relate to the feeling of being reluctant to trust others with something that is precious to us. Whether it is a child, a pet, a material possession, or an idea, each of us, young or old, has had the experience at some time or another. I think it’s important for all of us to retrain ourselves to trust others to help us navigate through life because no one is equipped to get through it alone. Now, I am not suggesting that you leave your child or pet in the care of a stranger without employing the necessary screening process; nor do I endorse giving the car keys of your 2010 vehicle to your teenager who has just passed the road test. However, in order for your ideas and dreams to come to life, you will need the help of others.

All too often we try and do too much because we don’t think that other people can do it as well as we can, or we think they won’t have the same level of enthusiasm as we do, or that somehow, they will be unable to understand or interpret our intent. For some, it’s something a little more problematic—the fear that the credit will go to someone else. Leadership guru John C. Maxwell said it best: “One is too small a number to achieve greatness.” Let it go…even a brain surgeon has a team. When you want to accomplish something of importance, don’t let your ego get in the way. Maxwell also tells us that “The goal is more important than the role.”

Think about this: The New York Yankees are one of the best teams in the major leagues. Year after year they are considered the team to beat. They have some of the best players in the league including Mariano Rivera. Mariano Rivera is the team’s closer. If it’s the bottom of the eighth and the Yankees have the lead, the last thing that the opposing team wants to see is Mariano Rivera stepping up to the pitchers mound. Teams know that their chances of scoring when he’s pitching are slim to none. However, you won’t see Mariano pitching in the first inning and if he steps up to bat, no one is expecting much. There are others on the team who are counted on to fill those shoes. The point here is it takes collaboration to get the win.

Find out where you fit on the team and play your position to the greatest of your abilities. For through your actions others can be inspired to be and do their best. Remember, some will hit, some will bunt, some will walk, some will strike out, but it is the team approach that will carry each of us to victory.

Lights...Camera...ACTION

It’s easy to get so consumed with our own challenges and setbacks that we forget to take the time to help those around us. Likewise, we can get so caught up in our dreams, aspirations and triumphs that we miss the opportunity to encourage and support the people we care about. When I stop to think about it, the amount of times that someone has encouraged me with their words or actions is immeasurable. Sometimes it made a difference in my day, others, a difference in my life.
It’s ok to focus on you but it’s just as important to step out of the spotlight from time to time and see who’s working the equipment. There are many co-stars, stagehands, and extras in this production called life and each of us can appreciate a little pat on the back from time to time. When we start to focus on someone or something other than ourselves, we become better for it. For even the smallest of deeds carried out in sincerity result in some form of personal growth. This growth occurs despite the fact that the gesture was selfless and without expectation.
So for the remainder of the week here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to pay close attention to those around me (strangers, acquaintances, friends, and relatives). Every day I am going to tell a different person something positive that I may have thought but didn’t say clearly or often enough. It might be as simple as “I love you” or as difficult as “I forgive you.” It might be as quick as “love your lipstick” or “that’s a really nice tie” as I carry out my daily routine. I’m going to help someone see their greatness by telling them what I see when I point the spotlight in their direction. For the rest of this week, I’m going to look for opportunities to say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” I’m going to give out more hugs this week than usual and spare some change to those who appear less fortunate without questioning their motive. I’m going to make a few calls just to say “hello” instead of using the new and impersonal means of communication. I’m also going to say “thank you” to some of the difference makers in my life. This week, I’m going to encourage someone to dream or not to give up on a dream. It would be great if all who read the blog would do the same. Are you in?

Begin Where You Are

Most of us are guilty of thinking that we are not living up to our true potential because of something that is beyond our reach. In our quiet time we think to ourselves “If only I had…” “If only I did…” “If only I knew then what I know now.” Well those thoughts, or excuses, are our self-written permission slips for a trip to mediocrity. Those statements seem to support the idea that we are subjected to an average life, with average relationships, and average achievements simply because of how we lived “yesterday.” I beg to differ. I think we get what we expect in life. When our experiences change, we may expect more. This is a good thing—no matter when it happens. But whenever it happens, it should be accompanied by a willingness to do more. The life we dream of is always within reach. It’s just a matter of embarking on a relentless pursuit of your goals.
The hardest part is getting started. We spend so much time thinking about why starting where we are cannot work. We decide that we are not willing to do the hard stuff because either we’re too old, too young, too slow or it’s just too late. Well, that’s too bad. Too bad that we miss a world of opportunity because we’re convinced that we’ve already received our ration of life and have to make the best of what we were given. Well, my friends, life is not a soup kitchen, it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet. You can get as much from life as you’d like, but no one is going to bring it to the table for you, you’ve got to go get it! Begin where you are, but begin. Be thankful for what you have and what you have accomplished, but remember that as a deed is done, it is in the past. The future is built by those who are not satisfied with one goal achieved or one dream realized. It is built by those who continue to work knowing that there is more to be achieved. For as long as we are alive there is work to be done, new dreams to be dreamed, and new goals to be reached.
So no more excuses about why you can’t achieve more, and no more pity parties about why you are stuck in a rut. No more accepting life’s rations. She doesn’t give much to anyone. Pry her fingers open and take what’s due you! Assess your situation and make the changes necessary to live the life you want to live.

Letting Go in Order to Grow

I’m guessing everyone can relate to the “toxic relationship” scenario. Let me explain for those who are not sure what I’m talking about. Well, you have this friend, relative, significant other, etc. who you care deeply about, but who always seems to have a crisis. You find yourself lending emotional support, giving advice, and helping the person to get their life in order only to find that somehow they end up back in the same hole that you helped to dig them out of.
Can’t relate to that? O.K. how about the person who judges your relationship based on a personal score card that you only get to view when they decide that you are not living up to their standards? You know the type right? “I called you last” “You took so long to get back to me” “Why haven’t you called?” “You never…” “I always…” Well you get the picture right? No? Well let’s try this one—you have some major accomplishment in your life that you want to share with those in your inner circle. You share it with this person and they don’t seem happy for you. They are cold and can hardly muster up the enthusiasm to extend congrats.

How about the person who doesn’t share any helpful information with you until after the fact? Let’s say you decide to open a lemonade stand. You share the good news with this person and ask for feedback. They give you the obvious “you’re going to need lemons, water, sugar, cups and a stand” answer. After you do all of the research and get constructive feedback from others in your inner circle, this person checks in to see how things are going. You share the ups and downs but still they have no advice only words of discouragement. Once you’re up and running, you learn that they’ve decided to open an orange juice stand and they have all of these connections and information that they have somehow stumbled upon. Of course, they never mentioned they were going to be opening an orange juice stand. Get it? If you still aren’t getting it, you’re extremely fortunate not to have this type of person in your circle.

For the rest of us who either have been in a toxic relationship in the past or are smack dab in the middle of one right now, it can be the most oppressive feeling ever. You see, when you care about someone, it’s easy to overlook their insecurities and petty jealousies. It’s also easy to give and expect nothing in return. The problem is there are only two types of energy, negative and positive. In order to live your best life and actualize your dreams you have to surround yourself with positivity. You need to be surrounded by people who have your best interest at heart. Positive relationships are reciprocal. Both parties want the best for each other, respect each other and support each other. Relationships aren’t always equal. I find that in some relationships I give more and in others I receive more. In those that I give more, I don’t feel used or burdened. In those that I receive more, I’d guess the other party doesn’t feel used or burdened either. If you feel used or burdened, or if you feel like you can’t live up to the other persons relationship expectations, it might be a toxic relationship. Does that mean that the other person is not a good person? Not necessarily. It could just mean that the relationship is not good for you. I think when you identify a toxic relationship, you get rid of it. Steve Harvey said it best—“Everybody who came with you can’t go with you.” There are some people that you have to remove from your inner circle for your own well-being and growth, and sometimes, for theirs.

Living Without a Dream

I woke up this morning and realized that I didn’t have a dream last night. Now for most people this is probably no big deal; certainly, it wouldn’t be the topic of their blog. However, for me, it’s a rare night that I don’t have multiple dreams. I can go from trying to get away from an alligator to getting ready to eat the most amazing dish and suddenly wake up grateful to be alive or aggravated that I didn’t get to eat the food. One night I’m using every ounce of strength in me to fight off an attacker, another I’m at a party with friends having the time of my life. Some dreams seem to have a lot of meaning, others are just downright weird. The point is it’s pretty rare for me not to have a dream.

Likewise, in my conscious state, I’ve always had dreams. I think that having dreams are very important. It’s like possessing a treasure map, if you know what you’re looking for, it’s a lot easier to figure out how to get it. Anyway, this morning I thought about not having a dream for a moment, and continued on with my day. This afternoon it crossed my mind again, only this time with another thought. What if I didn’t have any conscious dreams? There are countless people, young and old, who don’t know what they want to do with their lives. They go to school everyday, work a 9 to 5, stay at home to care for their children or elderly parents, but they long for a passion, they wish they had a dream to pursue. So, what should a person do if they don’t have a dream? Here’s what I think:

I think that in the subconscious, my dreams are quite often connected to my experiences. If I saw something on television, talked about someone or something earlier that day, or read a book that caused me to visualize certain images, I find I am more likely to dream about something related to either one, or a combination, of those things. Likewise, I believe if you are struggling to connect with your true purpose, can’t seem to find inspiration, or constantly deal with the fact that you just don’t have a dream, then you need to change your experiences. Make a conscious effort to do something out of the ordinary at least once a day. Volunteer with a local charity, read a book/news article or watch a channel that you wouldn’t usually find interesting. Take a course or training--academic or leisure. Talk to someone you’ve known for a long time but haven’t spoken to in a while. Spark up a conversation with someone who is a part of your daily life that you’ve never had a conversation with before. Ask people who know you well what they think would be your ideal job based on how they see your personality. Spend at least twenty minutes each day thinking about your purpose. Write down your likes and dislikes. Reflect on your experiences of the day and see if anything jumps out at you. Interact with the world around you in a new way. Eventually, you will find your passion. I dare you to learn to dream. Are you up for the challenge?

Live Your Dream

Today is the anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. With Life Magazine’s publishing of photographs taken after his death, photographs that have not been previously published, there is sure to be an even greater emphasis on his death today. However, I think it best to focus on his life and his legacy. For, although his life was taken way too soon, Dr. King did something that many people never have a chance to do—he lived. Oh what a tragedy to die without having ever lived.
I think that a lot of people spend their time on earth merely existing. Fear of the uncertain causes them to live a mediocre life, a life that requires no great challenges and no major risks. People who accept mediocrity rarely go out on a limb. They dream, but not in color. They are unwilling to leave what they perceive as their comfort zone, even if they find it uncomfortable.
Dr. King found a cause worth dying for. He found something that he was passionate about and committed himself, his whole self, with enthusiasm, hope, determination, an uncanny sense of urgency and a focused sense of purpose. Not only did Dr. King have a dream, he took the necessary actions to make his dream a reality. No, he didn’t live to see his dream fulfilled, but he found, and lived, his purpose. We get to live his dream.
We have no idea how much time we have left in the game of life. That’s why we have to act on our dreams now. It’s not enough to have a dream or to have a plan, everyone dies with a plan. What if we all did something today to put our plans in motion? What if today we all dreamed in color?
Today is a great day. It’s the first day of the rest of our lives. What contributions are you going to make to the world? What’s going to be your legacy? Who will be inspired by the life you lived?
Don’t let your dreams die with you.

Learning to Dream

I believe that we let go of our dreams because they appear unachievable. Often life experience tends to navigate ones course. We tend to do what we know is achievable…a sure bet. No one wants to fail so pursuing an easier path can give one the feeling of accomplishment or “success”. The problem is, there’s very little satisfaction in achieving something that you aren’t really committed to or passionate about. There’s still a void that needs to be filled.

I believe that if you have a dream or a passion, you’re more than half way there. Lots of people don’t know what they were born to do and die without ever figuring it out. Although there are many signs for those who struggle to find their purpose, they can be hard to see when lifes obstacles and challenges stand directly in front of them. The truth is, reality can kill a dream. It’s hard to focus on destiny when you can’t pay your bills. Hard, but not impossible.

People who achieve goals and live their dreams have an uncanny sense of urgency. They are willing to work harder than others, act while others try to figure out how, work while others sleep and play, believe while others doubt, fail publicly while others pretend to succeed, ask for help while others try to do it alone, and share their knowledge while others selfishly feel that those who come behind them must struggle as much as they did.

I am a firm believer that most goals are achievable and that dreams are waiting to be realized. The problem is, most people are so busy looking for the easy way. They want to wake up and somehow find that they are living their dreams without having done any work. Unfortunately it doesn’t really happen that way.

Stop searching for instant success. There's no one minute miracle. You'll spend more time failing if you keep looking for the shortcut. Expect that attaining success will be the most challenging endeavor you've ever undertaken. Expect to sleep less and work more. Expect to be tired and feel like quitting. Expect that nothing will come easy in your pursuit. Expect to work harder than anyone you've ever known. Then, and only then, can you expect to succeed.

Melanie Geddes is the author of Learning to Dream with Your Eyes Open: A Survival Guide for Inner City Youth http://www.learningtodream.com/