Letting Go in Order to Grow

I’m guessing everyone can relate to the “toxic relationship” scenario. Let me explain for those who are not sure what I’m talking about. Well, you have this friend, relative, significant other, etc. who you care deeply about, but who always seems to have a crisis. You find yourself lending emotional support, giving advice, and helping the person to get their life in order only to find that somehow they end up back in the same hole that you helped to dig them out of.
Can’t relate to that? O.K. how about the person who judges your relationship based on a personal score card that you only get to view when they decide that you are not living up to their standards? You know the type right? “I called you last” “You took so long to get back to me” “Why haven’t you called?” “You never…” “I always…” Well you get the picture right? No? Well let’s try this one—you have some major accomplishment in your life that you want to share with those in your inner circle. You share it with this person and they don’t seem happy for you. They are cold and can hardly muster up the enthusiasm to extend congrats.

How about the person who doesn’t share any helpful information with you until after the fact? Let’s say you decide to open a lemonade stand. You share the good news with this person and ask for feedback. They give you the obvious “you’re going to need lemons, water, sugar, cups and a stand” answer. After you do all of the research and get constructive feedback from others in your inner circle, this person checks in to see how things are going. You share the ups and downs but still they have no advice only words of discouragement. Once you’re up and running, you learn that they’ve decided to open an orange juice stand and they have all of these connections and information that they have somehow stumbled upon. Of course, they never mentioned they were going to be opening an orange juice stand. Get it? If you still aren’t getting it, you’re extremely fortunate not to have this type of person in your circle.

For the rest of us who either have been in a toxic relationship in the past or are smack dab in the middle of one right now, it can be the most oppressive feeling ever. You see, when you care about someone, it’s easy to overlook their insecurities and petty jealousies. It’s also easy to give and expect nothing in return. The problem is there are only two types of energy, negative and positive. In order to live your best life and actualize your dreams you have to surround yourself with positivity. You need to be surrounded by people who have your best interest at heart. Positive relationships are reciprocal. Both parties want the best for each other, respect each other and support each other. Relationships aren’t always equal. I find that in some relationships I give more and in others I receive more. In those that I give more, I don’t feel used or burdened. In those that I receive more, I’d guess the other party doesn’t feel used or burdened either. If you feel used or burdened, or if you feel like you can’t live up to the other persons relationship expectations, it might be a toxic relationship. Does that mean that the other person is not a good person? Not necessarily. It could just mean that the relationship is not good for you. I think when you identify a toxic relationship, you get rid of it. Steve Harvey said it best—“Everybody who came with you can’t go with you.” There are some people that you have to remove from your inner circle for your own well-being and growth, and sometimes, for theirs.