Moving On

I can’t believe that I stayed so long. All the signs of a bad relationship were there but I kept thinking things would get better. I mean, he took good care of me…even though he was detached, cold and aloof. I tried to rationalize the behavior. “Well, that’s just the way he is” I thought to myself. I tried to change my expectations, thinking that perhaps I was expecting too much. But, I was bothered by the fact that he didn’t seem to care about me at all. Sure, he did what he needed to do, but he was not interested in connecting with me. I tried to engage him every chance I had, but nothing. I wasted so much time hoping things would get better. Years passed, but not even time could change him.

I’m generally a strong person, but somehow I didn’t consider leaving. I found reasons to stay. First of all, it was convenient. I could usually see him when I needed to. Secondly, I’d gotten use to being treated coldly and knew how to handle it. More importantly, I didn’t want to have to start all over again. I convinced myself that if I started over again, I’d still have an issue with the new person, because after all, nobody’s perfect. I told myself that the process of establishing a new relationship was just too stressful. I’d have to share all of my history with someone new. I’d have to take a chance and trust again. That is very difficult for me to do. So I stayed; enduring a relationship of convenience. I wasted time and money (I gave him lots of money over the years) and never felt fulfilled.

A couple of weeks ago I told him how I felt. I shared my feelings and waited for feedback. I thought certainly he would realize that he had neglected me and take corrective action. I was wrong. He just seemed irritated by my expectations. I got the feeling that he expected me to
accept him the way he is. I stopped trying. I completely shut down. I began to feel angry—at myself for allowing this to go on for so long. I decided to change my situation once and for all. I didn’t bother to tell him, even though I doubt it would have mattered. He didn’t care about me (at least not the way that I needed him to). I left him and resolved to put my needs first from that day on.

So, I called a few friends and let them know that I was looking for someone a little more caring. I also kept my eyes and ears open for new prospects.

Well, today I finally switched doctors and it seems this one has the right prescription.