Begin Where You Are

Most of us are guilty of thinking that we are not living up to our true potential because of something that is beyond our reach. In our quiet time we think to ourselves “If only I had…” “If only I did…” “If only I knew then what I know now.” Well those thoughts, or excuses, are our self-written permission slips for a trip to mediocrity. Those statements seem to support the idea that we are subjected to an average life, with average relationships, and average achievements simply because of how we lived “yesterday.” I beg to differ. I think we get what we expect in life. When our experiences change, we may expect more. This is a good thing—no matter when it happens. But whenever it happens, it should be accompanied by a willingness to do more. The life we dream of is always within reach. It’s just a matter of embarking on a relentless pursuit of your goals.
The hardest part is getting started. We spend so much time thinking about why starting where we are cannot work. We decide that we are not willing to do the hard stuff because either we’re too old, too young, too slow or it’s just too late. Well, that’s too bad. Too bad that we miss a world of opportunity because we’re convinced that we’ve already received our ration of life and have to make the best of what we were given. Well, my friends, life is not a soup kitchen, it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet. You can get as much from life as you’d like, but no one is going to bring it to the table for you, you’ve got to go get it! Begin where you are, but begin. Be thankful for what you have and what you have accomplished, but remember that as a deed is done, it is in the past. The future is built by those who are not satisfied with one goal achieved or one dream realized. It is built by those who continue to work knowing that there is more to be achieved. For as long as we are alive there is work to be done, new dreams to be dreamed, and new goals to be reached.
So no more excuses about why you can’t achieve more, and no more pity parties about why you are stuck in a rut. No more accepting life’s rations. She doesn’t give much to anyone. Pry her fingers open and take what’s due you! Assess your situation and make the changes necessary to live the life you want to live.

Letting Go in Order to Grow

I’m guessing everyone can relate to the “toxic relationship” scenario. Let me explain for those who are not sure what I’m talking about. Well, you have this friend, relative, significant other, etc. who you care deeply about, but who always seems to have a crisis. You find yourself lending emotional support, giving advice, and helping the person to get their life in order only to find that somehow they end up back in the same hole that you helped to dig them out of.
Can’t relate to that? O.K. how about the person who judges your relationship based on a personal score card that you only get to view when they decide that you are not living up to their standards? You know the type right? “I called you last” “You took so long to get back to me” “Why haven’t you called?” “You never…” “I always…” Well you get the picture right? No? Well let’s try this one—you have some major accomplishment in your life that you want to share with those in your inner circle. You share it with this person and they don’t seem happy for you. They are cold and can hardly muster up the enthusiasm to extend congrats.

How about the person who doesn’t share any helpful information with you until after the fact? Let’s say you decide to open a lemonade stand. You share the good news with this person and ask for feedback. They give you the obvious “you’re going to need lemons, water, sugar, cups and a stand” answer. After you do all of the research and get constructive feedback from others in your inner circle, this person checks in to see how things are going. You share the ups and downs but still they have no advice only words of discouragement. Once you’re up and running, you learn that they’ve decided to open an orange juice stand and they have all of these connections and information that they have somehow stumbled upon. Of course, they never mentioned they were going to be opening an orange juice stand. Get it? If you still aren’t getting it, you’re extremely fortunate not to have this type of person in your circle.

For the rest of us who either have been in a toxic relationship in the past or are smack dab in the middle of one right now, it can be the most oppressive feeling ever. You see, when you care about someone, it’s easy to overlook their insecurities and petty jealousies. It’s also easy to give and expect nothing in return. The problem is there are only two types of energy, negative and positive. In order to live your best life and actualize your dreams you have to surround yourself with positivity. You need to be surrounded by people who have your best interest at heart. Positive relationships are reciprocal. Both parties want the best for each other, respect each other and support each other. Relationships aren’t always equal. I find that in some relationships I give more and in others I receive more. In those that I give more, I don’t feel used or burdened. In those that I receive more, I’d guess the other party doesn’t feel used or burdened either. If you feel used or burdened, or if you feel like you can’t live up to the other persons relationship expectations, it might be a toxic relationship. Does that mean that the other person is not a good person? Not necessarily. It could just mean that the relationship is not good for you. I think when you identify a toxic relationship, you get rid of it. Steve Harvey said it best—“Everybody who came with you can’t go with you.” There are some people that you have to remove from your inner circle for your own well-being and growth, and sometimes, for theirs.

Living Without a Dream

I woke up this morning and realized that I didn’t have a dream last night. Now for most people this is probably no big deal; certainly, it wouldn’t be the topic of their blog. However, for me, it’s a rare night that I don’t have multiple dreams. I can go from trying to get away from an alligator to getting ready to eat the most amazing dish and suddenly wake up grateful to be alive or aggravated that I didn’t get to eat the food. One night I’m using every ounce of strength in me to fight off an attacker, another I’m at a party with friends having the time of my life. Some dreams seem to have a lot of meaning, others are just downright weird. The point is it’s pretty rare for me not to have a dream.

Likewise, in my conscious state, I’ve always had dreams. I think that having dreams are very important. It’s like possessing a treasure map, if you know what you’re looking for, it’s a lot easier to figure out how to get it. Anyway, this morning I thought about not having a dream for a moment, and continued on with my day. This afternoon it crossed my mind again, only this time with another thought. What if I didn’t have any conscious dreams? There are countless people, young and old, who don’t know what they want to do with their lives. They go to school everyday, work a 9 to 5, stay at home to care for their children or elderly parents, but they long for a passion, they wish they had a dream to pursue. So, what should a person do if they don’t have a dream? Here’s what I think:

I think that in the subconscious, my dreams are quite often connected to my experiences. If I saw something on television, talked about someone or something earlier that day, or read a book that caused me to visualize certain images, I find I am more likely to dream about something related to either one, or a combination, of those things. Likewise, I believe if you are struggling to connect with your true purpose, can’t seem to find inspiration, or constantly deal with the fact that you just don’t have a dream, then you need to change your experiences. Make a conscious effort to do something out of the ordinary at least once a day. Volunteer with a local charity, read a book/news article or watch a channel that you wouldn’t usually find interesting. Take a course or training--academic or leisure. Talk to someone you’ve known for a long time but haven’t spoken to in a while. Spark up a conversation with someone who is a part of your daily life that you’ve never had a conversation with before. Ask people who know you well what they think would be your ideal job based on how they see your personality. Spend at least twenty minutes each day thinking about your purpose. Write down your likes and dislikes. Reflect on your experiences of the day and see if anything jumps out at you. Interact with the world around you in a new way. Eventually, you will find your passion. I dare you to learn to dream. Are you up for the challenge?

Live Your Dream

Today is the anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. With Life Magazine’s publishing of photographs taken after his death, photographs that have not been previously published, there is sure to be an even greater emphasis on his death today. However, I think it best to focus on his life and his legacy. For, although his life was taken way too soon, Dr. King did something that many people never have a chance to do—he lived. Oh what a tragedy to die without having ever lived.
I think that a lot of people spend their time on earth merely existing. Fear of the uncertain causes them to live a mediocre life, a life that requires no great challenges and no major risks. People who accept mediocrity rarely go out on a limb. They dream, but not in color. They are unwilling to leave what they perceive as their comfort zone, even if they find it uncomfortable.
Dr. King found a cause worth dying for. He found something that he was passionate about and committed himself, his whole self, with enthusiasm, hope, determination, an uncanny sense of urgency and a focused sense of purpose. Not only did Dr. King have a dream, he took the necessary actions to make his dream a reality. No, he didn’t live to see his dream fulfilled, but he found, and lived, his purpose. We get to live his dream.
We have no idea how much time we have left in the game of life. That’s why we have to act on our dreams now. It’s not enough to have a dream or to have a plan, everyone dies with a plan. What if we all did something today to put our plans in motion? What if today we all dreamed in color?
Today is a great day. It’s the first day of the rest of our lives. What contributions are you going to make to the world? What’s going to be your legacy? Who will be inspired by the life you lived?
Don’t let your dreams die with you.

Learning to Dream

I believe that we let go of our dreams because they appear unachievable. Often life experience tends to navigate ones course. We tend to do what we know is achievable…a sure bet. No one wants to fail so pursuing an easier path can give one the feeling of accomplishment or “success”. The problem is, there’s very little satisfaction in achieving something that you aren’t really committed to or passionate about. There’s still a void that needs to be filled.

I believe that if you have a dream or a passion, you’re more than half way there. Lots of people don’t know what they were born to do and die without ever figuring it out. Although there are many signs for those who struggle to find their purpose, they can be hard to see when lifes obstacles and challenges stand directly in front of them. The truth is, reality can kill a dream. It’s hard to focus on destiny when you can’t pay your bills. Hard, but not impossible.

People who achieve goals and live their dreams have an uncanny sense of urgency. They are willing to work harder than others, act while others try to figure out how, work while others sleep and play, believe while others doubt, fail publicly while others pretend to succeed, ask for help while others try to do it alone, and share their knowledge while others selfishly feel that those who come behind them must struggle as much as they did.

I am a firm believer that most goals are achievable and that dreams are waiting to be realized. The problem is, most people are so busy looking for the easy way. They want to wake up and somehow find that they are living their dreams without having done any work. Unfortunately it doesn’t really happen that way.

Stop searching for instant success. There's no one minute miracle. You'll spend more time failing if you keep looking for the shortcut. Expect that attaining success will be the most challenging endeavor you've ever undertaken. Expect to sleep less and work more. Expect to be tired and feel like quitting. Expect that nothing will come easy in your pursuit. Expect to work harder than anyone you've ever known. Then, and only then, can you expect to succeed.

Melanie Geddes is the author of Learning to Dream with Your Eyes Open: A Survival Guide for Inner City Youth http://www.learningtodream.com/