An Open Letter to Parents

I am deeply concerned that the parenting role is being reduced and watered down by societal changes and redefined social norms. Some are trading in old school values for an opportunity to either live vicariously through the youth or have simply determined that what was once considered a decent upbringing is no longer relevant. It is not uncommon to see teenage boys with their pants sagging so far below their waistline that they have to hold them in the crotch area or walk with their legs apart in order to keep the pants from falling down. Sadly, it’s no longer uncommon to see these boys walking alongside their parent. Teenage girls are dressing so provocatively that it is difficult to determine if they are on their way to school or just returning home from a long nights work at the local strip club. Embarrassingly, some of their mothers wear and share the same type of attire. The tattoo phenomenon has gotten so far out of hand that teens are getting them to commemorate a sixteenth birthday. In fact, by then many already have at least one other tattoo. Nowadays, you’ll find toddlers with saggy pants, excessive jewelry, and outfits that are too tight, too short, or just too sexy. What messages are we sending these children?

In an age where our children are exposed to negative imagery via television, radio, peers and the like, it is up to parents to establish rules and guidelines of acceptable and appropriate behavior. We should also serve as role models for our children and be an example of the type of parent that they should aspire to be. The truth is, from the day we bring them home from the hospital we begin the process of shaping, molding, and instilling values that they may hold onto for a lifetime.

It seems many parents don’t see harm in dressing up their sons like little gangstas or think it’s cute to put skimpy or tight clothing on their daughters. They don’t seem to realize that children are extremely impressionable and are being influenced by the choices and decisions we make. As the children begin to get a little older and act out negative behaviors, these same parents are alarmed. It’s as if they are surprised to see the outcome. They appear to be totally caught off guard and genuinely disappointed. The question is, why? If you pour cake batter into a heart-shaped pan, you can’t expect it to come out of the oven in the shape of a star. You would have needed to use a star-shaped mold. So why do we expect our kids to be any different?

I remember family gatherings from my childhood years as though they happened yesterday. First and foremost, children were not allowed to participate in adult conversations. The adults limited our exposure to topics and ideas that were not appropriate for children. We did have time to interact with the grownups—most of the time it was through a family game or a talent show. I remember younger cousins reciting their ABC’s and singing songs they learned in school or at church. I distinctly remember going to the front of the room to name all 50 states from memory. Other family members read poetry, played instruments, sang songs or showed off their dance moves (my sister was an expert at “The Hustle” and “The Freak” and I thought I was a master at “The robot.” Good or bad, the adults cheered us on. It was always good, clean, fun. Nothing was “Too hot for TV.” Perhaps there were no “You Tube” moments (at least none that would become viral sensations,) but we didn’t miss anything.

Nowadays, some adults seem to take pride in having their children be able to “Get low” or gyrate and grind the hardest. They look on gleefully while their children sing all the lyrics to a song intended for adults, and are tickled pink to see their son be bop across a room or their daughter switching harder than a grown woman.
I think it’s time for parents to take a page out of the old school parenting handbook and set some standards. Stop being intimidated by your child’s cries that “everybody does it.” The truth is, everybody doesn’t. Stand firm to values and explain why certain behaviors are inappropriate. Perhaps when it really counts and someone tells them that “everybody does it” they will be able to do the same.