Thursday, May 3, 2012

Learning to Forgive...the Hard Way


When you think about “forgiving” you probably immediately think of a person who has wronged you.  The idea of forgiving the person (or persons) may bring on feelings of guilt too—especially when the person wants your forgiveness, but you can’t seem to move beyond your indignation.  Sometimes trying to explain why you can’t forgive to someone else is even more difficult…because you actually have to hear how petty or illogical your rationale sounds.  In some cases, forgiveness is a challenge because of painful memories or scars (physical or mental).  These can be tough to overcome. 
We all struggle with the notion of forgiving, sometimes choosing to embrace it, other times deciding to dismiss it.  The decision is always personal—no one can make you forgive.  I am not writing to try and change that either.  However, I will share that I learned the importance of forgiving the hard way.  When I was a teenager, I lost my dearest friend in a car accident.  At the time I was not speaking to her because of something that was so irrelevant but seemed reason enough at the time.  When I received the news that she had been in a car accident, I pleaded with God to spare her life.  I begged for one more opportunity to tell her that I loved her.  I never got that opportunity.  I was devastated.  You see, it had never occurred to me that we wouldn’t have the chance to make amends.  We were 18…we had so many years ahead of us.  That’s what I thought, but I was wrong. 

As a result of that experience, I have always asked myself an important question whenever the issue of forgiveness is on the table.  I reflect on the person who I am upset with and I ask myself this:  If something were to happen that resulted in the death of this person, would it matter to me?  Would I wish that I had handled the situation differently?  If I can’t say “No” then I have to let it go.  Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you can live with the decision because pleading, begging, and bargaining with God will not turn back the hands of time.

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