If the Sun Never Shines Again...

Recent statistics cast a cloud of hopelessness on inner city youth—particularly African American and Hispanic youth. Results of nearly every study on the future of our youth indicates a less than bleak outlook. According to research, these youth, our youth, are more likely to go to jail than to college, more likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease than to abstain from sex until marriage, our young ladies are more likely to become teenage parents, and our young men are more likely to dodge the responsibility of fatherhood. From predictions of poor health and disease to a lifetime of poverty, the gray skies of low expectations make it seem nearly impossible for inner city youth to hope for sunny days.

While it is important to be mindful of the statistics, we mustn’t allow these indicators to determine what we can accomplish. For every negative statistic and projection there is a person who decided not to subscribe to the narrative and ignored the data. Instead, they decided to work harder, set goals, believe in themselves, accept responsibility for their actions, develop positive habits and relationships, and approach every day of their lives with a sense of purpose and urgency. As a result they beat the odds and had their opportunity to laugh in the face of adversity. A few well known examples that come to mind are Michael Jordan who was cut from his high school basketball team, Jennifer Hudson who wasn’t good enough to be America’s Idol, Jay Z who was raised in one of the worst NYC housing projects, Fantasia who was a teenage mother and high school drop out, and Kevin Garnett who gave everything he had on the court even when he was playing for a losing team.

Set your own goals, make your own predictions and live up to your own expectations without factoring in the negative forecasts projected by others. Be prepared for the storm, but don’t let it keep you from living your dreams. If the sun never shines on your side of town again, then dance in the rain. And dance like your life depends on it.

My name is Melanie and I'm an Addict...

I had an in depth conversation with a substance abuser yesterday. I wanted to know why she would allow a drug to control her life. I wanted to understand her mindset before, during and after drug use in the hope of helping her pinpoint some viable solutions to her problem. Here’s what happened:

She shared that since the first time she used her drug of choice she has been trying to duplicate the feeling, the high. She said that once she begins to use the drug, she falls into a dark place where nothing else matters except getting more drugs. She has sold her television, small appliances, jewelry, toiletries, household items, and her body in order to get money for drugs. Sometimes she will find another drug addict and they will put their money together and share the smallest amount of the drug that their money can buy. When she’s sober, she will quickly tell you that she cannot be trusted with any sum of money because she will use it to buy drugs. On a regular basis she can be found panhandling (she hates when I say begging) for spare change outside of her local grocery store or gas station. This woman will deprive her body of food, water, and sleep in her quest for her next high. She walks alone in dangerous, drug infested neighborhoods from dusk to dawn without any concern for her safety. She fails to bathe and doesn’t even think about the fact that she needs to take several prescription medications on a daily basis to maintain her health. Everyone in her community knows that she is a drug addict. I asked her if she ever feels regret or shame and she said “not when I’m trying to get high.” Nothing, and no one, is more important than getting high.

Unfortunately, her goal is a negative one. It is completely detrimental to her health and well being. But what if we applied the same energy to our own positive goals? I mean, we all say that we have something that we want to achieve and I’m sure we’d all like to think that we are giving it our all. However, when something we are working towards doesn’t go according to our plan or vision, we often rewrite the plan. We convince ourselves that we did our best and that there is nothing more we could do without some outside intervention.

Well, what if we approached our goals with the determination, commitment, and sense of urgency of a drug addict? What if we were fearless, focused, and fired up about our dreams? What if we were willing to put pride aside and ask for help? What if we were willing to give up material possessions to invest in our dreams? What if we stopped competing with others and instead learned to work together to reach a common goal? What if we gave our goals and dreams so much attention that everyone who knows us knows exactly what we are trying to achieve? What if we were relentless in our pursuit and able to show resilience in the face of our failures? Let’s stop “trying” to accomplish things. Let’s stop “hoping” it all works out for the best. Let’s develop a mindset that says “I am not willing to do without achieving this thing—because it’s way too important to me.” I want to be addicted to achieving my goals. What about you?

Are You too Busy to Live?

Often we find ourselves consumed with tasks, appointments, responsibilities, and the day-to-day stresses of work, family, and the like. In our own private world everything seems urgent. Most of the time there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. As a result we scramble to accomplish those things that we consider important and struggle to prioritize our personal to-do lists. At the eleventh hour we might try and shortchange an item or two by giving it less attention than we think it really deserves and still hoping our effort will be good enough. Other items we simply take from the bottom of our list for the day and put it at the top of our list for the next day.

As we nestle beneath the sheets and rest our heads on our pillows, thoughts of tomorrow become a silent nuisance that sometimes causes us to lose sleep. As fast as we can close our eyes and quiet the hysteria in our heads, we are awakened by the dreaded ringing of the alarm clock. We will ourselves to put our feet on the floor, and repeat the sheer madness of the day before. This, my friends, is what we call “life.”

I think it’s important to step out of the routine and humdrum and approach each day with a true sense of purpose. I’m not talking about the completion of an item on a to-do list kind of purpose; I’m talking about the kind of purpose that defines you as a person. The kind of purpose that makes you excited about getting out of bed in the morning and makes you feel complete at the end of the day. Take a moment and think about what would happen if you didn’t wake up tomorrow. Now, is there anything that you are doing that would make it impossible for the world to go on? Probably not.

Since we have established with some degree of certainty that life goes on, I think it’s important that our purpose be connected to carving our names in the tree of life by leaving our own personal mark on the world and the people in it. We should all focus on ensuring that the world is a better place for our having lived in it. Make no mistake; this does not have to be some enormous Mandela-like undertaking. It can be a small act that makes a big difference. Mentor or tutor a child, volunteer at a local community organization, support a cause here or abroad, protest injustice, donate food or clothing to a local church or shelter, go back to school, take an acting class, send a care package to a soldier, work towards that goal that you set for yourself but haven’t gotten around to because it’s too difficult, get out a board game and sit on the floor with your children and play it, let your kids help you cook and then eat dinner at the table as a family. That’s my idea of purpose. That’s what I call living.

The secret of life is that it’s not about what you accumulate materially, that will not last a lifetime. It’s about what you give to others that cements your footprint on life’s walk of fame. So tonight before you crawl into bed, take a moment and think about what you did today that really mattered. For tomorrow is not promised.

I leave you with a quote from the great Ray Charles – “Live each day like it is your last, because one day you are going to be right.”